How come marriage always seems to be about giving her attention ?

i find it a bit annoying tbh. ive posted a few questions recently and answers which are probably right indicate shes not getting enuff attention, and shes lacking the attention she needs etc etc. She never really gives me any attention at all but always expects massages, flowers , lunches out etc etc. It seems so one sided Just to keep her happy all the time so she doesnt seek attention elsewhere. Maybe im misguided here but doesnt it take two to tango ?How come marriage always seems to be about giving her attention ?
Traditionally, it is that way.


But because so many women don't save their purity anymore, I don't think it should be all about the woman.


I honor and respect my fiance' and I want him to get just as much attention as I know I will get! I want to make him feel as special as he makes me feel! I've even sent him flowers before! I make him things, scrapbooks of things we've done together, I write poetry so I give my pieces to him, and I write a letter a week to him that I will give to him when we are married! He doesn't know it! I try my very hardest to make him feel special.How come marriage always seems to be about giving her attention ?
Working on a marriage is definitly two sided. It shouldn't be about buying gifts for a person, although a little surprise or treat every now and then is always appreciated (both ways). Attention isn't about buying things or taking someone out, it is about being there for the other person, whether that is being able to discuss problems, go to their friend's parties, giving them a hug when they've had a bad day.





Have you tried sitting down and voicing your concerns to her instead of asking us on here?! It may be that she thinks that she is giving you plenty of attention already and doesn't realise that you feel otherwise. If she does a fair share of the house work, whether it is cleaning, or cooking, she may feel that she is doing her part in the marriage already.





So my advice is, get talking! Good luck.
It does take 2 to tango, But i'm, guessing that you could care less whether you want that kind of attention or not, You need to sit her down and talk to her If you have some kind of wants and needs tell her, let her know how you feel about the whole situation and that it's not just a one-sided deal if you 2 love/care enough about each other you will be open and Honest about the whole thing, and if she doesn't care than maybe there's another reason for her wants and needs, maybe she's just wanting to show off and when you send her flowers people see it and she's saying hey look what my husband does for me! That's the only other thing I can think of. It could be another way of getting someone else to notice her.
Yes it does take two to tango, but sometimes one has to take the first step. Have you talked to your wife about how you need to get attention from her. Most men. other than for sex, do not ask for attention, so women tend to think you are find without it. If you love someone you make the effort to provide little tokens of affection which goes a longs ways of showing appreciation. No one should have to feel burdened with showing their spouse so much attention. Then it becomes a shore instead of something to enjoy. You and your wife need to get it all out there in the open and discuss what it is you need from each other and then hopefully come to a compromise. Good luck to you!
It really makes me kinda angry when I read about women who have it so good, but think they have it so bad, their expectations of marriage are based on instant gratification, they carry around with them the attitude of, it's all about me so often that they forget that their are two people in the relationship, this can be attributed to the fact that some women prepare this mindset long before meeting their husbands, maybe their mothers were self centered? Their girl friends in school also may have made some kinda impact, and then of course on a woman's wedding day the wedding is always centered around the bride, so these reasons and more seem to make a huge impact on why some women seem to feel that it is expected of their spouse to give, give, give and not want to give back. Now I don't know if any of this means anything pertaining to your wife, as this is only a small fraction of women that have this mindset, I just wanted to point out that their are reasons behind the actions of some women who are self-centered.
Well yes, of course. If you're making the effort then so should she! She should definitely be making nice gestures in return. Have you had a good deep conversation with her about this? Let her know how much its annoying you, and ask her to make more of an effort. Plus if she thinks you should give her all this attention so that she won't be tempted to look elsewhere, theres definitely something wrong in your marriage. That is a terrible attitude on her behalf.
Doesn't sound like a healthy relationship - of course it takes two to tango - you both need to give each other attention. She is probably just used to you giving her attention and is taking it for granted a little. Next time she asks you for something, ask her when she is going to give you something?
It shouldn't be, and your other points are right. You have to give to get - that's what a marriage is. Each spouse may show things in different ways, but there needs to be a balance. In our marriage, my husband and I need/want different things, but over time you talk about these things. Otherwise, it's being very selfish just to demand things - instead of asking, offering....


Talk to her about this - you are not off balance with your thoughts.
If you haven't noticed already that men and women are different and they need different things. Women crave the closeness and attention that most guys could care less for. She just wants to know that you care and that she is the only one for you. Sure she should give you attention but guys want attention in other ways. If you give her what she wants, she will give you what you want.
yes it takes two...be the better spouse and give ehr the attention...dont be like her...it does not make you better...you need to be the ebtter person...if she still does not give you what you want...talk to her...tell her how you feel...but dude go all out for the next month or so regardless of ehr reactions...see if it changes anything...if not...let her know...both have to give you know? It sounds like she is selfish like in most relationships....there is always a selfish partner...butthis can change...with more effort from the unselfish partner...I hope this helps bro
happy.. it's cause this marriage forum is over run by angry wives...lol





the few guys on here are trying to set the scales evenly.... but it's futal...





The women on here are set in there ways... and they can't understand why guys don't go along with thier idea of a perfect marriage, maybe it's cause guys arn't perfect,... hummm.. yet they ALL think thier husbands ARE angels.. .lol
Yet you are complaining about her wanting....why?





Perhaps you should consider what YOU might get if YOU give HER what SHE wants.





Just another guy here...





I dunno, seems to me like more and more people focus on themselves, when, generally speaking, focusing on serving others serves you best.





Just a humble opinion.
Chat to her tell her you also need attention when you get it you feel like giving it more, this will encourage her to give you the attention you also need, there are people who are out there that are more needy than others this is usually due to a low self esteem which you cannot fix.
Of course it does. Its easy to do a tit for tat, like seek attention elsewhere if you are not getting enough attention, but I would try getting through to her first before taking that drastic measure. You know what she wants,Does she know what you want?
Yes, it does take two to tango, and two to make a marriage work. I personally have always lived by the motto, '; I give as good as I get.'; Let her know that you want special attention too. Give as good as you get in return.
Heya (i am 14 so not really experienced lol - but here are my views anyways)....she should giv you attention back. You're right - marraige shouldn't be a one-way street, (at least i dnt think it shuld be anyways). I would sit down and tell her how you feel about your marraige - talk it out.


Good Luck =D
Yes it takes two to tango and no not all women are like that.





I personally do not need attention like that because I have what we call ';Self esteem';....I do not need to be constantly esteemed, I already have that from myself.



Because traditionally in all other areas of life, men used to get all the attention. This is a once in a lifetime chance for women to be in the lead.
Perhaps you should talk to her about your concerns. If you consistently make the first steps towards giving her love and attention, it might be easier for her to return the favor.
there is a song, it says:: that is just the way it is, somethings will never change'; hey if you want to ';dance'; you have to play the fiddler,,,
Well, you need to tell her POINT BLANK that it is a two way street. That in a relationship it is give and take and that it upsets you when she is never willing to return the favour.





You are correct, it takes TWO!
The affection you give her she will repay to you with house work, cooking for you, looking after your children and sex in bed and out of it.
It's futile, you can give and give, they will take and take and then when the well runs dry they will cut and run.
Ha! I wish I was a bit more demanding of his time. But I guess you can't be when you also have children. Some people are like that, men too, not just women.
yes it does take two to tango and im shooting in the dark here but im guessing she didn't get enough attention when she was young and now expects it from other people
Sit down and talk to her, it has to be fair, she may not realize you feel this way, most likely she doesn't realize.
A woman's needs are many fold..so just do it before she gives someone else the opportunity
stop doing it then!!! you have to tell her how you feel if she loves you then she will sort herself out there must be a reason or maybe she is just a ***** !!
come on stop moaning you'd have something to moan about if she pushed you away and was indifferent to you..
you make the woman happy, you got a happy home. it's just that simple.
your right it sound like she is treating you as a slave no offence but ask her or talk to her and tell her what you think